Looking for Balance

Incognito has asked a question in response to An Appeal that has taken a lot of thought on my part. Her question is, "...as a creative Soul, how do you balance the need to express that creativity with the need to make a living?"

The short answer is that I don't do it very well. My job and responsibilities as a father, husband, and now grandfather often take a toll on the creative energies. Add to that responsibilities with my church and community and the demands of home ownership and the number of hours in the day that are available for creative endeavors diminishes quickly. So, I squeeze it in where I can. I make it a priority where possible, but often it falls low enough on the list that it is a struggle to fit it in.

Blogging has helped me to release that creative energy on a regular basis. I often am composing posts in my head throughout the day. Then, when I have time, I basically "dump" them into written form. Our mind is an amazing thing. If we will let it work, there are many tasks that can run "in the background" while we continue to deal with the "gotta deal with it right now" stuff. It adds a new dimension to effectively and efficiently utilizing the time that we are given.

Once upon a long time ago, a college professor told me, "There's more than one way to skin a cat." (apologies to you cat lovers) It is a phrase that I had heard all of my life, but for some reason, it had a deep impact on me at the time. It basically had to do with career choices. I took it to mean that there are multiple ways to pursue our dreams and that the direct path is not always the best or the only one. I tried to put that idea into the context of God's word.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." __Psalm 37:4

This basically told me that I needed to have my priorities right. When that was done, he would grant to me the desires of my heart. At the time I didn't realize that he would also be shaping and refining the desires of my heart.

I dropped out of college to figure out who I was. I came to the realization that working to make a living that would just barely get me by was the pits. I felt strongly that God wanted me to do something with my music. I had written a few songs and wanted to become a star. So, I packed up and headed toward Austin, Texas, to try and break into the music scene via 6th Street. I went through College Station to visit a friend of mine on the way to Austin and he suggested that College Station was as good a place as Austin for pursuing music. He offered me a place to live and suggested that while I was there anyway, I should take a few classes at A&M. Smart guy. I don't know that I've ever properly thanked him for that advice.

I started playing music in one of the local hangouts. Some of the others that were making their way through A&M at the same time were Lyle Lovett and Robert Earl Keene -- both of whom have gone on to successful careers in the music business. I preceded Lyle Lovett on stage one night and have received a few pointers from Robert Earl Keene. I'm sure that neither of them would remember me.

As I began to develop a sense of my musical self I began to think of next steps for pursuing such a career. It didn't take long for the realities of the music business to conflict with my pursuit of God's will for my life. He brought me to the realization that my plans did not fit His will for my life. I re-focused on getting a degree and a job.

During my Senior year in college I became engaged and ultimately married and had children. Music was pushed to the edges. It became therapeutic for me in many ways. It was my outlet and my escape. In time, it became an offering to God. That is what it is today. My musical outlet is through my church.

Writing music slowly evolved into poetry and prose. I have a couple of novels started, but not well developed. Poetry and song are very closely related. I have journaled at various times as an outlet. I call my entries "Random Thoughts." I have boxes full of notebooks and loose pages of things that I have written through the years. It is disorganized and probably rubbish. In the back of my mind however, something tells me not to throw it out. Perhaps my grand children will find a few gems in it someday.

Blogging has become my primary creative outlet. I have attempted to discipline myself to an entry per day. Sometimes there have been more, a few times I have missed. Some of it hopefully contains something of value to someone other than me, and some of it is done hurriedly because I am strapped for time. The best of it is inspired by God. Sometimes I look back over what I have written and think, "where did that come from?" Usually they are the better entries.

I don't know if I've answered your question, Incognito, but maybe I've given you some insight on where I find some level of balance. I strive to go where God leads. Any talent that I might have is a gift from Him. I pray that I will use it according to His will.