Friday, June 27, 2008

Road Time

I learned from a good friend of mine this week some facts that have convinced me that Global Warming is real. He revealed these things to me as we traveled in search of new customers. We were prospecting in some "sparse" country and there was lots of road time between stops. Let me see if I can remember:

  • My friend said that he believes that Global Warming is responsible for warping the lenses in his glasses. It seemed to him that with each passing day the distortion became worse and worse. It was getting so that he was going to need new glasses because of the distortion. Upon reflection, I realized that I had been experiencing similar problems.
  • My friend also said that it seemed to him that Global Warming had caused his arms to shrink. It was getting so that they were hardly long enough to hold reading material at the proper distance for clear viewing. I knew without a doubt that he was correct because I had been noticing the same thing for several years now.
  • We both noted that the heat caused drowsiness as well -- particularly about 2:00 in the afternoon. We determined to call this the "siesta effect" of Global Warming. It seemed that the "siesta effect," although normally confined to environs south of our location, had moved northward and was affecting us on a regular basis.

We began to discuss some of the pro's and con's of the obviously real effects of Global Warming. Following are some of our observations -- not necessarily grouped in any special order.

  • Because of a warmer climate due to Global Warming, we should experience longer lives. This is because the Greenhouse gases have replaced significant quantities of oxygen in the atmosphere (the reason for the "siesta effect"). Therefore oxidation should be slowed and our lives therefore extended.
  • Global Warming also should extend the hotpant/haltertop/bikini season. We determined that in spite of the visual pleasures it could have detrimental effects on our longevity since both of us are married.
  • We noted as well that Global Warming should extend the growing season throughout the world and therefore alleviate the hunger problems that we have been hearing so much about.
  • Global warming also should reduce heating bills in the winter. This would provide a significant savings during those months. On the downside though, the summers would be extended and it is likely that the increase in the cooling bills for those months would more than offset the savings in the winter.
  • An additional advantage of Global Warming might be the extension of football season until February or even March. Well, by that time it's almost spring so why don't we just make football season year-round. We could do the same for baseball as well. That would give us many more choices of sporting events to view throughout the year. Golf also would be a year-round sport. There won't be concerns of losing that little white ball in the cowpasture during a snow storm. There won't be any.

I am sure there are other observations that some of you have made that support this theory of Global Warming. Please feel free to share them in the comments.


The Hermit said...

Hey, you should do a show on Science Channel or History Channel. They'd buy your script in a heartbeat.

Barbara Martin said...

My comment for global warming has nothing to do with your comments. Only that I remember the various glaciers in the Canadian Rockies being larger than they are now, i.e. Victoria Glacier at Lake Louise, the Columbia Icefields in Banff National Park and other places. And the ice pack in the Canadian north is melting.

Sandy Kessler said...

And I'm trying to read this serious dissertation with a straight face??

Chris McClure aka Panhandle Poet said...

Sandy, are you trying to say that you don't take me seriously??? ;)